Relief finally!

Sigh! it was a big sigh of relief! I no longer have to write any exams.. No longer have to force myself to sit before the books and listen to the lectures.. but looking back I think I will miss all that! it was fun in a way though I did not really enjoy it that much!
While preparing for exams.. I used to wonder, why am I doing my Masters? what am I going to achieve by getting that extra degree! For I dont even know if am going to work in this field for how many more years or may be months!
These questions keep hitting me.. why am I in IT field.. why am I studying.. but then If I am not doing what I am doing, what else can I do!!
I agree this job has everything.. right from money, respect, learning, challenges, freebies.. everything! but if there is some lacking.. i guess its in me.. the enthu to do this job and the job satisfaction is I guess what I lack!
The first thought that strikes as a solution to this is to quit! but the immediate question is what next! what do I really wanna do.. doing what will give me that satisfaction that this is something that I always wanted to do! And I know nobody will be able to help me figure this out.,. this is something I have to figure out on my own and I dont have a way to find it! how many more years will I be trying my hands at various things and when will I decide and when will I settle down!
I dont even feel like sharing these thoughts with anyone.. as I only feel more dumb and portray the impression of a confused soul! I tried talking this out once to my Mom and you know what she said! She said I dont have enough work at office and thats why my idle brain is thinking of all this garbage! For her all that matters is that I have a good job, good salary, happy settled family and what more do I want! When I myself am not clear about what more I want, how can I expect her to understand!!
Or may be I never had a specific goal or ambition in life, no specific die hard interest because of which I am not able to really enjoy what I have! All the important decisions in my life till now have been taken by others.. and the decisions I took for myself didnt really have a strong reasoning behind them!
In school.. studied because everybody else was studying and to sustain this pressure from parents to perform better than others!
After 10th, the decision to take the Maths stream was also not very strongly reasoned.. Just because I didnt have the courage to take up biology or history, the only choice I had was MPC!
and EAMCET? Yeah why did I write EAMCET? Dont you know? everybody in Andhra writes EAMCet.. and i was just one among them!
Yeah then computer engineering.. this was one decision I made! and I guess I never would like to share the reason behind choosing computers science as my branch.. I had other options of ECE and EEE and mech and all others.. i dont remember who but someone told me Comp sci was the easiest of all branches! and Lo! I made my dad pay big bucks as fees for my comp sci engg seat! Even then I never understood I was making my dad pay a lot of his hard earned money on something I really never wanted so much!
After engineering again a point where I had to take a decision on what I wanted to do next! My dad wanted to force his opinion but I managed to not agree to it somehow! and even till date he keeps saying, i didnt listen to him then! I had lot of options i thought after engineering, GRE and MS what everybody did, GATE and MTech.. what my dad wanted me to do , CAT and MBA which i felt i could never do and yeah the easiest of all the 'IT' job!! and yeah easy guess, I ended up in my first job at Hyd!
And yeah as I told you my dad kept on cribbing about my masters degree and hence the application to do MS in software systems at BITS Pilani! Afterall he had every right to flaunt his daughter was doing masters from BITS Pilani even after a Job and marriage!
Ohh good! Now I know why I applied for this "Masters" degree of mine and slogged 3 years in and out of it! So much for Degreesake!
Someday... I still have that hope that I will realise what I want to do.. some die hard interest that I will develop.. I will not let this life of mine go waste...