I think Ive got my answer and a very apprioriate one to my previous post! Now am sitting here wondering what I was really cribbing about last time! I was cribbin that I didnt have time for anything and life was going too fast. Now I realise that it was so good that life was going on like that.
Last week there was a medical (Not mental) problem with me and doc advised me to take 1 week off and take some proper rest at home. I was elated thinking about the unplanned vacation that fell in to my lap. I thought it would be so much fun to sleep till late and do whatever I wanted to all day. I was so wrong! so so so wrong! I sit all day at home doing absolutely nothin!! I mean there is nothing to do actually. Watch Tv.. browse thru the net.. all fine but for how long? Not all day!! I feel like life has come to a standstill and am just wasting it doing nothing. I cant wait to get back to my routine!!
I mean there are lot of things to do like all the pending house repair works, carpenter work and the boring chores like dusting, tidying the house etc etc! But I dont want to do them! Yuck! And I get so irritated when they say.. anyway you are at home all day.. do this do that complete that ! Uhhhhhhhhh! I salute all the successful homemakers but fr me when am at home all day.. Am Lazyness personified.. lethargy at its best (my mom gave me a new title .. "Salugu")!
Oh God.. Please save me from myself.. When will I actually get to know what I really want! And looks like you grant all my typically incorrect wishes!! I was cribbing when I was busy, I am cribbing now also when I have the all the time in the world but doing nothing ( reading books, sleeping, watching tv not counted) .. so what Do I really want??
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
What's your life like?
May be I have done this blah blahing before but today I had to write this down again.
My life these days has settled in to a routine which sounds and looks ok but is very boring in detail. To summarize my any day, I spend 12 hours out of home( 10 hrs office +2 hours travel time 7:30 am to 7:30 pm) , 9 hours of sleep (9:30 pm to 6:30 am .. Something I cannot sacrifice or reduce for whatever the reasons be) and 1 hr of cooking(7:30 pm to 8:30 pm) 1 hr of tv(8:30 pm to 9:30 pm) . So except for the calender date there wouldnt be any difference between yesterday and today. But there are some days , for someone else's last minute planning, my routine goes for a toss. And am like so obsessed with my routine that the very minute I see a possibility of someone disturbing my routine , I get frustrated and today was one such days. A conf call was scheduled from 6:30 to 8 pm at office and I was supposed to attend it. It meant, I would reach home at 9:30 and lose out on 2 precious home hours. I just made some lame excuse and skipped it. But then there is this guilt also that I shouldnt have done that, I shouldve attended that meeting, it was important! I think its every working woman's dillemma.. neither get a 100% job satisfaction nor the 100% home maker satisfaction.
But to put it in the other angle, I have started hating this routine also. I mean, this is not what I want to do in my life. Do I sound confused? At this point I really am.. I can't quit the job because I got used to it and have also got used to the financial independence and dependence on the good sum that gets deposited every month in my account. Its just too addictive! But its not really the case that am really happy spending 12 hours of my day for this leaving everything else haphazard. It's only when we have those friends for lunch or dinner during weekends I realise how much the home needs my attention and time. When I see other women who are happy home makers, I feel jealous, I also want to quit my job, but when I really think of it, am not sure if I can be happy sitting at home all day doing just that!!
May be its really time I seriously think of the other options I can be happy with... do something which gives me satisfaction and a control over my life and my time.
-A confused frustrated soul
My life these days has settled in to a routine which sounds and looks ok but is very boring in detail. To summarize my any day, I spend 12 hours out of home( 10 hrs office +2 hours travel time 7:30 am to 7:30 pm) , 9 hours of sleep (9:30 pm to 6:30 am .. Something I cannot sacrifice or reduce for whatever the reasons be) and 1 hr of cooking(7:30 pm to 8:30 pm) 1 hr of tv(8:30 pm to 9:30 pm) . So except for the calender date there wouldnt be any difference between yesterday and today. But there are some days , for someone else's last minute planning, my routine goes for a toss. And am like so obsessed with my routine that the very minute I see a possibility of someone disturbing my routine , I get frustrated and today was one such days. A conf call was scheduled from 6:30 to 8 pm at office and I was supposed to attend it. It meant, I would reach home at 9:30 and lose out on 2 precious home hours. I just made some lame excuse and skipped it. But then there is this guilt also that I shouldnt have done that, I shouldve attended that meeting, it was important! I think its every working woman's dillemma.. neither get a 100% job satisfaction nor the 100% home maker satisfaction.
But to put it in the other angle, I have started hating this routine also. I mean, this is not what I want to do in my life. Do I sound confused? At this point I really am.. I can't quit the job because I got used to it and have also got used to the financial independence and dependence on the good sum that gets deposited every month in my account. Its just too addictive! But its not really the case that am really happy spending 12 hours of my day for this leaving everything else haphazard. It's only when we have those friends for lunch or dinner during weekends I realise how much the home needs my attention and time. When I see other women who are happy home makers, I feel jealous, I also want to quit my job, but when I really think of it, am not sure if I can be happy sitting at home all day doing just that!!
May be its really time I seriously think of the other options I can be happy with... do something which gives me satisfaction and a control over my life and my time.
-A confused frustrated soul
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